Noah 2005
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, �Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.�
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard � but no Ark. �Noah!� He roared, �I�m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?� �Forgive me, Lord,� begged Noah, �but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I�ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I�ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions. Getting the wood was another problem. There�s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn�t build the Ark until they�d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I�m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I�m supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can�t use my sons. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I�m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.� Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, �You mean you�re not going to destroy the world?�
�No,� said the Lord. �The government beat me to it.�
Note that Lead-free has not been included since it's a European Directive.
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